As I sit here waiting on the insurance adjuster to get here (we had a severe storm roll through here that tore off some of our siding), I had the urge to post since it's been a few months since I last posted.
I have less than 2 1/2 months left of school. I'm excited to graduate but at the same time I must ask myself, now what?
I know for sure that salon life is not for me and I really want to do runway, photo-shoots and editorials. Being a part of design team has really been the most exciting thing about school. Since being a part of design team I have done what I love to do-MAKEUP! As a Design Team we go out and do offsite things like bridal parties, charity events, fashion shows, etc. My specialty is makeup in the group although if I had to I could style hair.
Makeup has always been a passion of mine ever since I can remember but when I tell people that I'm in cosmetology school and know I don't want to work in a salon, they look at me weird and act like I'm wasting money and I think to myself, why are you putting a limit on what I can do?
The path of a cosmetologist is not limited to behind the chair only.
Would I always have a job as a cosmetologist in a salon, more than likely, but would I be happy behind the chair? yeah...no.
I have often thought of starting my own YouTube channel. I have a handful of makeup "guru" people that I watch and I have seen their transformation from someone who just does makeup/hair tutorials to business owners in a very short time and I would love to have my own makeup line. I think that that would be fantastic and I know that it can be done, I've seen it. I would love to continue to learn more about my craft and continue my education and just have my name out there.
I am also part of our "fun"raising team and we just put on a fashion/hair show at Opera Nightclub and I was able to do the makeup for 3 of the models. I love what I do and watching those 3 walk out knowing that they had MY work on their faces was...humbling yet I was also elated. Humbled because of the 100s of people that were at the club only I, my husband, and the other students who worked the show with me knew that was my makeup job. I had no "real" recognition but I knew they looked BOMB and that I did it. I DID IT!
But I often contemplate if this is the right path for me, is this truly where my heart lies? A passion? absolutely. Would I be happy? Yeah. Would I be complete? No.
I know going back to school was the right choice but I don't know "why" it was the right choice. I don't know if I will do the above things as a result of my going to school, I don't know where I'm being lead to and it's scary not knowing what the future holds.
What is my ultimate destiny?
I was born to be a mother. I know that in my heart.
While I have many people tell me that I would make a great mother and they can't wait until I have children, I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or more broken.
I don't think...no...I know that I would never feel complete without them. I will not feel as though I have fulfilled the measure of my creation without the experience of motherhood.
My attitude has changed though, I'm not bitter about it anymore but there is still a sad emptiness. I can be happy for those who have announced they are pregnant and I can do my best to be a mother to those around me. Heaven knows, I have had definite opportunities to do so with all the young people I go to school with that need motherly and needless to say Godly guidance, not to mention chastity belts that have their keys thrown away.
But...will I ever have the opportunity to look into my own child's eyes and see my own or my husband's eyes looking back at me? Or do I just accept that I will never have them and try to be the best mother to those around me that I can be?
Will that be enough?
Monday, April 22, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Thinking or communicating in an unfocused or imprecise way
Ok I hope this worked. For a while now I have been using my husband's google account to do this blog and have switched over to my own account.
I can't, however, delete his entirely because all the ones I posted under his would be deleted and I have way too many post to go back through and repost them under my own.
But at least I did it...even if in the most backwards way I could.
Anyway, just a quick update. School is going good, I need more clientele but overall it's good.
Thanksgiving was spent in Utah/Vegas, Christmas was spent with my sister and her family and then my hubby and I just spent New Years just the 2 of us.
We went downtown for the festivities and we have decided that we will never do that again. The crowd was just ridiculous but at least I can say I did it.
I know it's not much of an update but it's an update none-the-less :).
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Racism and politics
This is another old post that I found that I never published.
-------------
Is racism still prevalent amongst us today? Absolutely, no doubt in my mind that it is. Are white's the only race amongst which racism resides? No, but the early Anglo-saxons thought they were entitled to all land even if there were already people living on it and there by are the most evil scum that ever walked the earth. Right?
No, but sometimes it seems that's the way others view whites.
I remember when I was younger, we went to the mall or something like that, there was a man, a white man, who told my mother to go back to where she came from. My mother is from Hawaii and therefore is darker skinned but she was born and raised an American so where can she go?
On that note, Hawaii was stolen by the "white man" and many Hawaiians still feel bitter about that. The last time we went to Hawaii WE were told to "go home". Yes while I am the whitest part hawaiian girl you'll meet, Hawaii is in my blood, the land that I love and to be told to go back to where I came from because I was white was hurtful and it was racist.
Interesting that despite my color deficiency I've often been asked whether or not I'm Mexican and even at one point asked whether or not I was part black.
There is the true racism when people judge and abuse you just because of the color of your skin.
The fair employment act was a program that came as a direct result of racism. Employers were hiring and promoting white people above that of black people not because they were more qualified but because they were white. However, this act has been abused now that even though a white person may be more qualified a black person who is less qualified will get promoted because the employer doesn't want to be labeled a racist even though he/she is far from it.
Have black people been targeted unfairly? YES ! but there are also cases in which they haven't but because they are black it is automatically racism.
What I want is to be able to call someone an idiot because they were idiot and not be called a racist because that idiot happened to be black. This is the abuse of the race card.
---------------------------------
new addition:
This is even more prevalent today because of politics. People accuse white people of being racist because they didn't vote for Obama. I'm sure that for some that was the case just as it would've been the case that people wouldn't vote for Romney just because he was a Mormon but those numbers in my opinion are probably smaller in comparison to those who voted for Obama just because he was black which, yes folks, is racism.
Racism exists but anyone can be racist no matter their heritage or ethnic background. It isn't just limited to one.
It is unfair for anyone to lump a certain group together politically, religiously, ethnically.
I personally feel that this election has done more damage to the American people, besides racism being thrown into the forefront, religious intolerance has increased.
We are no longer one nation under God and we are certainly not indivisible.
That is the enemy's greatest victory, not of blood shed but division.
I am white, Hawaiian, Portuguese, Native American, Scottish, French, Korean (and more) but first and foremost I am an American. I love my country but I am afraid for it.
-------------
Is racism still prevalent amongst us today? Absolutely, no doubt in my mind that it is. Are white's the only race amongst which racism resides? No, but the early Anglo-saxons thought they were entitled to all land even if there were already people living on it and there by are the most evil scum that ever walked the earth. Right?
No, but sometimes it seems that's the way others view whites.
I remember when I was younger, we went to the mall or something like that, there was a man, a white man, who told my mother to go back to where she came from. My mother is from Hawaii and therefore is darker skinned but she was born and raised an American so where can she go?
On that note, Hawaii was stolen by the "white man" and many Hawaiians still feel bitter about that. The last time we went to Hawaii WE were told to "go home". Yes while I am the whitest part hawaiian girl you'll meet, Hawaii is in my blood, the land that I love and to be told to go back to where I came from because I was white was hurtful and it was racist.
Interesting that despite my color deficiency I've often been asked whether or not I'm Mexican and even at one point asked whether or not I was part black.
There is the true racism when people judge and abuse you just because of the color of your skin.
The fair employment act was a program that came as a direct result of racism. Employers were hiring and promoting white people above that of black people not because they were more qualified but because they were white. However, this act has been abused now that even though a white person may be more qualified a black person who is less qualified will get promoted because the employer doesn't want to be labeled a racist even though he/she is far from it.
Have black people been targeted unfairly? YES ! but there are also cases in which they haven't but because they are black it is automatically racism.
What I want is to be able to call someone an idiot because they were idiot and not be called a racist because that idiot happened to be black. This is the abuse of the race card.
---------------------------------
new addition:
This is even more prevalent today because of politics. People accuse white people of being racist because they didn't vote for Obama. I'm sure that for some that was the case just as it would've been the case that people wouldn't vote for Romney just because he was a Mormon but those numbers in my opinion are probably smaller in comparison to those who voted for Obama just because he was black which, yes folks, is racism.
Racism exists but anyone can be racist no matter their heritage or ethnic background. It isn't just limited to one.
It is unfair for anyone to lump a certain group together politically, religiously, ethnically.
I personally feel that this election has done more damage to the American people, besides racism being thrown into the forefront, religious intolerance has increased.
We are no longer one nation under God and we are certainly not indivisible.
That is the enemy's greatest victory, not of blood shed but division.
I am white, Hawaiian, Portuguese, Native American, Scottish, French, Korean (and more) but first and foremost I am an American. I love my country but I am afraid for it.
Sorry
I know I haven't posted in awhile and I apologize for that.
I have been super busy with school and life in general that I haven't had the energy to download all my thoughts and feelings.
This past week at school has been stressful. Not the work but what is going on. My school has a policy that if your attendance % goes below 75% that you are in danger of being suspended and losing your financial aid.
For the past month I have been having issues with none of the teachers having my progress report. So I have gone several times to the person in charge of handling all of that. The first time, I was told that the absent hours don't matter and that what matters is the difference between your scheduled hours and total hours to date. Didn't make sense then and really didn't make sense when the last report I got had me at 86% attendance and 95 hours absent.
I went to her again and she tried to pull that bull again with me and I told her but I haven't been absent 95 hours. That's equivalent to 3 weeks absent at this school and I have only been absent a total of 3 days and clocked out early 1.
So she makes me go and find out what is going on and come to find out that my time has been going to my inactive esthetics file. So she says that she will need to call the company that provides the software they use and to come back to her on Friday. I go to her on Friday she tells me sorry I didn't get a chance and to check back with her the following Wednesday (which is tomorrow).
So because I have been stressed out my possible gastritis has been acting up again so I feel sick all the time, and I haven't been sleeping well. Come Saturday I'm really not feeling well but I go and set up all of my things at a station. I've tried to take the approach of "if you build it, they will come" but it hasn't really been working for me these last few times cause I STILL don't get clients. Anyway I go up to the front to see if they have anyone they can give me and give me a lady. I think great, finally I have someone. I go up to her and smile and say hi I'm so and so. She just sits there looking at me. I ask her if she's here for an awapuhi treatment and she says yeah. Still sitting there. So I say alright following me back to my station. We get back to my station and I ask her to have seat and she looks at me and says "I wanted a phase 2, I need a smoothing iron and a hair cut". So at this point I'm thinking, what makes you think I can't do that but I smile and bring her back up front, tell them at the front desk she wanted a phase 2. I'm hurt, pissed off, and just done.
I end up in the girls bathroom crying and I start dry heaving so I pack up all of my things and I leave. So come tomorrow I will see if my time has been corrected. If it has not been corrected I will be talking to the owner of the school. I don't know where that will get me but enough is enough. I can't be a student and do administrative duties when I'm not getting paid to do someone else's job.
I have been super busy with school and life in general that I haven't had the energy to download all my thoughts and feelings.
This past week at school has been stressful. Not the work but what is going on. My school has a policy that if your attendance % goes below 75% that you are in danger of being suspended and losing your financial aid.
For the past month I have been having issues with none of the teachers having my progress report. So I have gone several times to the person in charge of handling all of that. The first time, I was told that the absent hours don't matter and that what matters is the difference between your scheduled hours and total hours to date. Didn't make sense then and really didn't make sense when the last report I got had me at 86% attendance and 95 hours absent.
I went to her again and she tried to pull that bull again with me and I told her but I haven't been absent 95 hours. That's equivalent to 3 weeks absent at this school and I have only been absent a total of 3 days and clocked out early 1.
So she makes me go and find out what is going on and come to find out that my time has been going to my inactive esthetics file. So she says that she will need to call the company that provides the software they use and to come back to her on Friday. I go to her on Friday she tells me sorry I didn't get a chance and to check back with her the following Wednesday (which is tomorrow).
So because I have been stressed out my possible gastritis has been acting up again so I feel sick all the time, and I haven't been sleeping well. Come Saturday I'm really not feeling well but I go and set up all of my things at a station. I've tried to take the approach of "if you build it, they will come" but it hasn't really been working for me these last few times cause I STILL don't get clients. Anyway I go up to the front to see if they have anyone they can give me and give me a lady. I think great, finally I have someone. I go up to her and smile and say hi I'm so and so. She just sits there looking at me. I ask her if she's here for an awapuhi treatment and she says yeah. Still sitting there. So I say alright following me back to my station. We get back to my station and I ask her to have seat and she looks at me and says "I wanted a phase 2, I need a smoothing iron and a hair cut". So at this point I'm thinking, what makes you think I can't do that but I smile and bring her back up front, tell them at the front desk she wanted a phase 2. I'm hurt, pissed off, and just done.
I end up in the girls bathroom crying and I start dry heaving so I pack up all of my things and I leave. So come tomorrow I will see if my time has been corrected. If it has not been corrected I will be talking to the owner of the school. I don't know where that will get me but enough is enough. I can't be a student and do administrative duties when I'm not getting paid to do someone else's job.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Oldie but goodie
I came across this when I was looking at previously saved drafts. I started this post a while back but I feel it's so important to remember and I don't need to add anything to it.
-----------
Elder Richard G. Scott said: ”A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. (Like a boulder!) Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.
“You are here on earth for a divine purpose. It is not to be endlessly entertained or to be constantly in full pursuit of pleasure. You are here to be tried, to prove yourself so that you can receive the additional blessings God has for you. The tempering effect of patience is required. Some blessings will be delivered here in this life; others will come beyond the veil. The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you” (Richard G. Scott, "Finding Joy in Life," Ensign, May 1996, 24).
-----------
Elder Richard G. Scott said: ”A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. (Like a boulder!) Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.
“You are here on earth for a divine purpose. It is not to be endlessly entertained or to be constantly in full pursuit of pleasure. You are here to be tried, to prove yourself so that you can receive the additional blessings God has for you. The tempering effect of patience is required. Some blessings will be delivered here in this life; others will come beyond the veil. The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you” (Richard G. Scott, "Finding Joy in Life," Ensign, May 1996, 24).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)